Casual Hookup: How to Avoid Getting Emotionally Attached
Casual sex dating and hook-ups with one or more multiple partners can be a challenge for many as there is one thing that can ruin the whole experience–getting emotionally attached with your casual partner. When one person sees it as mere hook-up and the other person starts to develop feelings, things can quickly go sour and one person may end up being hurt. The sad truth is, there is no absolute guarantee that this isn’t not going to happen as some people might naturally develop feelings for the other person without being able to control it.
However, there are a few things that will help keep things casual as they are, with minimal emotional attachment. Thus, if you don’t want to find yourself in this unfavorable position or hurt the other person without realizing it, here is what you can do:
Set some ground rules from the start.
Probably the most common reason why some casual sex dating stories don’t have a good ending (for both) is because of lack of clear ground rules from the start.If you don’t want to end up with misunderstandings and pain later on, you have to specify these rules to the other person from the very beginning. Don’t always wait or assume the other person will clear things up, they can sometimes forget or prefer to leave things as they come. Now, in regards to actual “rules” you can agree to meet-up only certain days and times and spend as little time with the other person as you can.
Don’t interact with your sexual partner outside the bedroom.
Another common reason why someone may get emotionally attached with their sexual partner is because of irrelevant communication outside the bedroom. If you keep sending texts, talk with the other person on the phone, or chat through social media, chances are, one of you will get more invested and expect more from the other person. The only communication between you will be the basic details on where, when, and how you will hook-up and during the sex act–nothing else. Even if the other person initiates a deep conversation, kindly tell them that you don’t have much time to discuss it and cut the conversation short before things elaborate further.
Don’t ask other people about him/her or stalk them through social media.
In cases like this, the less you know the better. A little of bit of curiosity and suspicion at first is fine and will even protect you from a potentially bad or dangerous sexual partner–however, asking others about this person and stalking them online to find out more about who they are and what they do, will make you less detached emotionally. Ask yourself: what if the other person is married? what if I get jealous or bitter with what I’ll find out? If you feel uneasy at the thought of what you’ll find out, don’t try to find out more about the other person other than the basics.
Try to hook-up with others or pleasure yourself.
In some cases, people get emotionally attached because of sexual codependency. If the other person is your sole source of sexual gratification, you will most likely see them as the only person in the picture who can satisfy your needs. By hooking-up with others as well (always taking your precautions) or at least pleasuring yourself as you like, you will realize that there are other ways to please yourself and not only through that person alone.
Don’t discuss your casual relationship with others.
Just like you shouldn’t ask others or try to get insider info on the other person, the opposite goes as well. The more you pay attention and discuss the matter with others, the greater the chances of attachment. A small talk or asking your friends about sex in general is totally fine but big discussions and introductions of the other person to your circle of friends, is a big no-no. If your friends ask you if there is something going on, you don’t have to lie but keep it brief and just tell them that you are seeing someone but it’s only casual, making sure the conversation doesn’t grow further.
Don’t engage in any sweet-talk during or outside the bedroom.
Sexual comments along the lines of “yes, keep going on” are totally natural and fine during the actual intercourse. However, sweet talk and using nicknames like “sweetie”, “honey”, or “I really like you” refer to a more intimate and romantic atmosphere that is not strictly sexual. Even if you love having sex with this person, you really don’t want to utter any of these as it sends the wrong signals. Remember, you are in a casual sex relationship, not something more than that–your words should always reflect that.
Now, what happens if you have already started to develop feelings for the other person? This can be tough but don’t panic. Take a moment and examine whether they too, despite that you both initially agreed that things will be kept casual, show signs that they like you more than that. For example, they may text you more and start to show interest in other things about you besides sex or they spend some time with you after sex. In this case, proceed with caution and indirectly ask them if they are interested in something further e.g How do you feel about our casual relationship? Would you date someone like me under different circumstances? And you’ll get an answer. This is risky of course but you will know for sure if the other person also feels the same or if it’s all one-sided.
Now, if the other person isn’t interested in something more the only thing left to do is cut off your encounters and start to explore other options–don’t try to force things and don’t spend more time with this person in an effort to gain their affection beyond sex. Find some distractions and start to date others so you keep your mind less occupied with this person.