Just Casual Sex, No Relationships! How to Tell Them?
More and more of us these days are turning to casual hookups to fulfill our needs and desires. Thanks to the surging popularity of online dating sites, it is now possible to meet plenty of people you would otherwise never get the chance to meet, opening up a huge range of possibilities for fun. Dating sites are simple to sign up to, require only a few personal details and a good picture before you are ready to go. With hundreds of thousands of people online looking for someone to meet, one thing is for certain, you will never be short of people to get to know.
Though dating apps like Tinder are becoming famous hookup aids, the problem is that these sites still market themselves to their users as ‘dating sites’. They do so to try to maintain an air of respectability,and so not to appear to condone one night stands or casual hookups, for fear putting off lots of potential members.
If you have already been using these websites to find hookups, you will no doubt have already been familiar with the ‘Tinder dating fallacy’. This is basically the fact that despite maintaining the façade of only being interested in meeting a long-term partner, a huge percentage of people on the site, are actually only looking for hookups. According to a few surveys, it is estimated that as many as 80% of males and 65% of females using dating sites have had a one night stand with someone they met online.
The problem of telling someone you only want a one night stand is not really an issue when it comes to face to face dating. In this case, things tend to just flow in that direction until you eventually end up having sex, or not as the case may be. You will get a clear picture from the person’s body language and what they are saying as to what their intentions really are.
For example,if they are resistant to going to your place or hotel, then this is a good indicator that they want to take things more slowly and so are more interested in a long-term relationship rather than a casual hookup. When you meet someone in personwho is looking for a hookup, things should progress very quickly to the bedroom. Most likely the sex will take place on either the first or second date, without much in the way of getting to know each other.
The main time where you will find yourself having to tell a person that you are only interested in a casual hookup, will be online. Since people who use online apps get potentially hundreds of ‘offers’ every time they use it, the importance of choosing the right time and place to let them know of your intentions is paramount.
There is little point of you telling anyone immediately after you have introduced yourself, unless you are either a model or famous,because you are almost certainly going to be rejected. It is far better to work it into your ‘game’, building up to it during the period of getting to know someone. The truth is that there is no one way to be honest with the person that is guaranteed to work instead of scaring them off. Telling them straight will more than likely cause them to immediately withdraw and pay little attention to you from then on.
Even if they are looking for a hookup,you still need to treat them as though they were a person who is worthy enough if being taken seriously in the long term. This is part of the game and is something that you should always remember, because if you don’t make them feel they are worth more investment, you are almost certainly not going to get your hookup.
Another important detail to consider is whether you want a one-time onlyfling or a casual hookup who you can see on a more regular basis. If you think you want a more casual hookup, then the job of telling the person should be a lot easier, in theory, since you only need to lay some basic groundwork such as telling the person your mind is focused elsewhere or you are busy with work. This initial attempt to define your relationship can then be reinforced, as and when you think it is necessary,with further comments to prevent the relationship from getting too deep.
In this case, being honest will certainly help you to get the outcome you want, without running the risk of hurting the other person through deception. One of the interesting side effects of the online hookup phenomenon is that in many people it is causing a detachment between their actions and other people’s feelings. This detachment leads to people behaving in a far more predatory manner with potential hookups, includingsaying or doing just about anything to get what they want, regardless of the consequences.
Obviously, this is not really a road we would recommend anyone from traveling down as it relies on dishonesty and manipulation, which will not only do others harm but will eventually affect you negatively too. Better advice would be concentrate on refining your approach and finding ways to make yourself more appealing. Once you have done this, you will have less difficulty in persuading them to meet you for a one night stand or as a casual hookup.
Our final thoughts
How you tell the person really depends on who you are as a person and how you think they will react. Some people are happy with a more forward approach while others will need a far more passive approach that makes them feel like they are not just being used for a bit of throw away fun. Honesty is key, but don’t forget, there definitely is time and place for honesty.
If you are not so experienced at online dating then it is better to gently hint at your hookup intentions at first, waiting a while to tell them when you think the moment is right. For those people who might have fetishes, or want less common experiences such as swinging, you are probably better using one of the specialist apps to begin with to help make it easier to find like-minded people.