Navigating The World of Casual Sex
Casual sex isn’t a new concept. Ancient Rome has a reputation for debauchery. Truth is, they were no more deprived than the rest of the modern (even in ancient times) world. Everybody has sex, and way more people have casual sex than you would think. With that being said, it can still be difficult to get out there and go after what you want. So today we’re going to talk about how to find the right partners for your casual encounters, how to approach the subject of a tryst, and how to keep it civil in the sunlight.
Finding The Right Partner
It may not seem like it, but men and women both want casual sex. The key is to find someone who’s also looking for this encounter at the same time you are. Ships passing in the night aren’t going to dock. You have to find someone who is giving out signals that he/she is available. Here are some of those signals.
- Flirting: Flirting takes on a whole new meaning when the end game is a casual fling. So how can you tell the difference? Usually, when a woman flirts back with you, she talks about your sense of humor or asks questions about your life. If she’s in the mood for something less long term, her flirtation will be based on physical attributes more than your personality. This is a sign that she’s after something more immediate. Your wonderful relationship with your grandmother may not mean as much to her.
- Hookup Apps: Nothing more self-explanatory than a woman swiping right. If you match up with a woman on one of these sites, chances are she’s ready for something carefree. Many of the dating rituals can be skipped over and you can get down to getting down.
- Morality: You might think I’m going to tell you to steer clear of ‘good’ girls here. But quite the contrary. While the conquest may be harder to accomplish, you’d be surprised how many former prudes are ready to let loose. Watch for those flirty signals and pounce!
Asking For A Casual Encounter
So you think you found the one? If you’re ready to take the next step and broach the subject of a casual fling, here are some tips for you.
- Honesty: Yeah, that may sound counterintuitive, but honesty is still the best policy. You don’t have to be crass about it. You’d be better off if you weren’t. But letting your date know up front that you’re not looking for anything long term. Then gauge her responses. Is she continuing physical contact, and laughing at your unfunny jokes? You’re in.
- Flirt: Like in the first section, keep the flirt game strong. But also keep it physical. Don’t get too deep into emotional territories, or your plan may backfire. That’s a connection you’re not ready to forge. Also, try to keep the flirtation working in your favor. How? Let’s say you’ve always been complimented on your eyes, compliment hers. She’ll most likely say your eyes are beautiful too, and check them out.
- Pick Up Lines: The usual lines will work if she’s after the same things you are. Even a simple ‘Wanna get out of here?’ can go far. Lines to listen to from her… Anything referring to how busy she is, like too busy to date. Women who say they’re too busy to date (while still keeping physical contact and flirting) are signaling that they want something casual. They’re letting you know up front that they want sex without the relationship complications. Score!
Walk of Shame
The Walk of shame doesn’t have to be shameful. Men and women alike love sex. A woman who is up for a sexual encounter on the first date, or without a date, isn’t going to worry too much the next morning. However, there are still some basic rules you should follow to keep it civil on your way out the door.
- Thank Her!: Tell her how much you appreciated and loved your time together. She won’t take it as a sign that you’re meant to be together. It’s just common courtesy and it will go a long way. If you guys clicked and the sex was good, she’ll probably be thanking you too. It’s possible that it could become a regular thing, or it could end right then. Either way, she just had sex with you and you’re happy about it. Let her know.
- Don’t Ask: If you’re truly not after anything beyond that night, don’t make fake ask to see her again. It’s insulting. And it sets up an unreasonable expectation. If she agreed to the casual encounter, then she’s already in the mindset that she won’t see you again. Don’t muddy the waters. If you are thinking you want to continue the arrangement, start slowly with some feeler suggestions and see if she takes the bait. But leave it up to her.
- Friends With Benefits: Here’s a concept that will muddy the waters all on its own. If you just had a casual fling with someone you know, now’s the time to set up boundaries. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it’s the start of something. Don’t assume either and make sure both of you are on the same page about what happened before you leave. Friends with benefits can be a great dynamic for the right two people. You just have to be sure that the two of you fit well together mentally as well as physically. Don’t do anything to jeopardize the friendship.
As I said before, we’re not reinventing the wheel here. Casual sex has been around since the dawn of time. And now’s probably the best time in history for it. We have the means of finding each other. We have the means of protecting ourselves against disease. And we have the means of communicating with each other up front about our expectations. Whether you end up turning the casual sex encounter into a long term casual arrangement, or leave it as a one night stand, the key is to keep everyone’s feelings in check.
Be honest with your partner and expect honesty back from them.
For more online casual sex dating resources, please check out our website.