How to Stop Casual Sex From Turning into A Relationship?
Let’s be honest, unless you are a monk, we all from time to time need the benefits that casual hookups provide. There are a whole plethora of reasons these no strings attached dates can be good for us, ranging from stress release when, for example, coping with a recent breakup to just having some good old fashioned fun. For some people, casual hookups are regarded as the way to live life to its fullest and have replaced entirely any kind of ‘serious’ relationship.
Whatever your situation, if you are casually dating one or more people and don’t want it to end up drifting into a full on relationship, then here are a few really handy tips on how to keep it casual.
Be honest (to a point)
Honesty is a good way to ensure that you are both on the same page from the outset. Of course, honesty doesn’t mean you have to tell the person about your other hookups or anything, it just makes a big difference in keeping your relationship in a ‘relaxed’ place.
It is usually advisable on the third or fourth hookup to bring up the topic of what this relationship is going to be about. You would look a little strange if you brought it up on the first or second date, for example, as it would make you look like someone who seemed in a hurry to suggest that that they might be a clinger.
It really depends on how well you get on with the person, you should try to do it when you feel comfortable but definitely before this have gone too far. If the person turns up outside your house in a limo waving flowers, screaming “I love you, will you marry me?” at the top of their voice, you have definitely let the situation get way out of control.
As time goes by, you might want to throw in some comment to reinforce the status of the relationship if you feel the person is getting too close. If the person starts talking or asking about you two being together for the long term, then this is also definitely a time to be firm and honest with them. Definitely don’t make the mistake of talking like you are not sure as this will only lead them on.
Keep your distance
The simple fact is that the more you see a person, the more you will either develop an attachment or alternatively end up becoming bored of them. Decreasing how much time you see and spend with a person is a really great way to control the relationship. Think of it like a throttle, where if you want to speed things up then see the person more often but when you feel like things are going too fast just lift off and take a breather. You should always ease off gently as you definitely don’t want to let them know you are doing it as they might get upset and jump ship. The classic ‘I’m a bit busy at the moment’ line comes to mind in this situation.
Maintaining a good level of distance is a real art form but is effective when doing it in the right way as suddenly disappearing for a long time, for example, won’t usually go down well and will lead to cracks starting to appear.
Don’t get jealous
You might at some point find yourself coming across your hookup on a casual dating site or even see them out and about with someone else. Though it is a natural thing to feel jealousy, even if you don’t have deep feelings for someone, it is important to keep these out of your relationship with your hookup. Spending your time together as though it was a police interrogation is going to quickly put the other person off. Keep it relaxed and forget your jealousy, and if you can’t, then it’s time to hit the road.
Don’t talk about a future with them, joking or not
It is a completely natural thing to talk about the future, as thanks to the way we work and plan our days, our whole lives revolve around it. As a result, it is a topic that could easily come up during everything from a dinner date to causal pillow talk.
It is inevitable that this topic will come up at some point when you are with your causal date, but when it does, you should definitely try to keep this subject to a minimum. Even a short discussion about some future plans could plant a seed that grows into a nightmare. The seed might even be as simple as them feeling offended that you aren’t taking them seriously enough, even though they actually feel the same way too. The future can definitely be a bad place if it starts to enter your casual hookup, so take our advice and keep it out!
Don’t be too romantic
For romantics, there is always the desire to add a little magic to the moment but it is important to remember that when it comes to casual sex dating, this can lead down roads you don’t want it to. As a general rule, it is best to avoid being seen as a regular Romeo. That is not to say that you can’t do nice things for the person or give them the occasional gift, but making this a regular thing is inadvisable. Of course, how much and when depends on the person, but as a general rule of thumb, nothing much more than a small birthday, valentine’s day and Christmas present is a good idea. Try to avoid flowers and cards too.
If you notice them starting to give you too many gifts, you will need to deal with it to stop it getting out of control. Try to politely drop into the conversation that the person doesn’t need to buy you presents and that you feel uncomfortable by it. This should then dissuade them from doing so in the future. Remember, the more time that person spends thinking about you when you are not around, the more likely they are going to want a future with you.
Don’t get involved in their friend group
This is another important part of maintaining a healthy distance. The more you involve yourself in a person’s day to day life, the more you will become involved with them. Meeting and getting to know a hookup’s friends is definitely playing with fire, even if you two are on the same page, and so should be avoided like the plague.
Know that when it’s over it’s over
All good things come to an end, as the saying goes, and accepting that a hookup has come to the end of the road is an important step. Because of distance, it is inevitable that at some point one or both of you are going to lose interest, so when it happens, be prepared to let it go.